The Wigfield Maniac (helselonearth) wrote in alopecia_heads,
The Wigfield Maniac

big rant, in need of some kind of help/support

So I got diagnosed with alopecia earlier this year. It started with a little hole in my beard around last Christmas which turned into me being incapable of growing hair on my neck. "Alright" I thought and I just shaved my neck but being a bit of a fatass at the time this revealed my double chin which my beard had been hiding: Alopecia - 1, Me - 0.

Fast forward a little bit and I've got all sorts of holes in my facial hair and just shave my face altogether. I shave my head with clippers and am surprised to see a very noticeable patch on the side of my head. I do that thing where you get a hand mirror to see the back of your head, and of course there were about 5+ patches. This is when I busted out the razor. I shave my head but it doesn't fucking help.

Now about 6 months later the head thing doesn't really bother me. Well it does, but I can cope. As a connoisseur of fitteds I was rarely without a hat on my head even before I was diagnosed. The thing that really makes me feel nothing short of downtrodden is the fact that my facial hair is gone. As someone who has had a beard since about the age of 16 (I'm 22 now) it is much more of a psychological blow than people are aware of. So the hair that does still grow, grows as fast as my beard used to. So I have a 5 o'clock shadow but unfortunately it covers about 30% of my face.

As a recovering alcoholic I am just now, after two years of sobriety, becoming comfortable in my skin in general. With this, I seem like I have to start back at square one. I have only ever had a girlfriend under the umbrella of her being 'into beards'. With not only no beard but a fucking detailed globe on my head and face it's put kind of a damper on things. Granted, when I shave (depending on the day) it doesn't look as mortifying but I DESPISE shaving so more often than not I get too look odd. I have tried to offset the effects on my looks via alopecia by losing some weight. It's helped, I've dropped 40+ lbs but I still can't help but feel like people are looking at me at all times and that any kind of romantic situation is forever non applicable to my life thanks to alopecia.

I realize that in this community I'm not supposed to harp on the negative but hopefully you all understand.
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