The Wigfield Maniac (helselonearth) wrote in alopecia_heads,
The Wigfield Maniac

big rant, in need of some kind of help/support

So I got diagnosed with alopecia earlier this year. It started with a little hole in my beard around last Christmas which turned into me being incapable of growing hair on my neck. "Alright" I thought and I just shaved my neck but being a bit of a fatass at the time this revealed my double chin which my beard had been hiding: Alopecia - 1, Me - 0.

Fast forward a little bit and I've got all sorts of holes in my facial hair and just shave my face altogether. I shave my head with clippers and am surprised to see a very noticeable patch on the side of my head. I do that thing where you get a hand mirror to see the back of your head, and of course there were about 5+ patches. This is when I busted out the razor. I shave my head but it doesn't fucking help.

Now about 6 months later the head thing doesn't really bother me. Well it does, but I can cope. As a connoisseur of fitteds I was rarely without a hat on my head even before I was diagnosed. The thing that really makes me feel nothing short of downtrodden is the fact that my facial hair is gone. As someone who has had a beard since about the age of 16 (I'm 22 now) it is much more of a psychological blow than people are aware of. So the hair that does still grow, grows as fast as my beard used to. So I have a 5 o'clock shadow but unfortunately it covers about 30% of my face.

As a recovering alcoholic I am just now, after two years of sobriety, becoming comfortable in my skin in general. With this, I seem like I have to start back at square one. I have only ever had a girlfriend under the umbrella of her being 'into beards'. With not only no beard but a fucking detailed globe on my head and face it's put kind of a damper on things. Granted, when I shave (depending on the day) it doesn't look as mortifying but I DESPISE shaving so more often than not I get too look odd. I have tried to offset the effects on my looks via alopecia by losing some weight. It's helped, I've dropped 40+ lbs but I still can't help but feel like people are looking at me at all times and that any kind of romantic situation is forever non applicable to my life thanks to alopecia.

I realize that in this community I'm not supposed to harp on the negative but hopefully you all understand.
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From what I read here, harping on the negative as you say sounds more like just explaining what's going on and your honest emotional reaction to the situation. Having alopecia is no party and I'll be the first one to admit that. But here's the thing, the hair can grow back. Mine is, at least part of my facial hair (enough to grow a goatee and soul patch.

And another thing, people aren't looking at you at all times even if you think they are. People from my experience tend to be very self centered and nine times out of ten even if they're looking straight at you, they're not paying attention.

Oh another thing, loosing 40 pounds is pretty awesome.
thanks for the support man. it's just so hard to find anyone who can relate to the experience.
We all need to vent. I figure this should be a safe space to vent about the alopecia.

I've had alopecia for 22 years now and have run the gamut of hair loss, from a patch right in the middle of my head to no hair on my head (but eyebrows and eyelashes) to where I'm at now, with absolutely no hair on my head, eyelashes only on the lower left lid and a smattering of underarm hair (no arm or leg hair). I had a period of two years where it didn't look like I had alopecia at all, since I had no visible spots. (I remember being in the stage you're in now. We used to joke about playing connect-the-dots.)

I've gone through various stages of anger and frustration with how I look and how I perceive how people think I look. I agree with mcb78rpm that people may be looking towards you but not AT you.

I can see that right now it seems like no-one will ever like you because of your patchy hair, but there's all kind of folks out there. I've been completely bald for four of the seven years of my marriage and there's been nothing but love between the two of us. (I shaved my head to make him go away. He didn't. He hasn't left because I have no hair either.)

I think alopecia can cause people to go through the stages of grief, because you miss being normal. I know I certainly have. You've only begun to have to deal with this, so it's normal to be frustrated. It will take time.